Relationships aren't easy. They are a lot of work. Add into the mix the fact that we don't have just one relationship going on like you would in a monogamous relationship - we have 4: Craftymama & Glassman, Glassman & Myself, Myself & Craftymama, and the three of us together. That's 4 relationships that need nurturing and time and patience and everything else.
Yes, it's definitely worth it.
Lately, though, it has been challenging. The relationships aren't connecting on the levels they need to be and some of us are feeling left out, lonely, like we don't fit in, or that our other needs aren't being met.
We have tried to have some discussions about some of these specific issues, but I think the root of the problem is we are trying to do to much. We have the usual chaos that is having 8 people in a house, plus Glassman isn't working so there is that stress, which adds to the money stress. Then Craftymama is trying to get her school organized and ready to open at least part time in the new year, which is a lot of both physical work and mental work. Then there is me, and really I am the only one I can really speak for. I am trying to work on all my mental issues in a variety of ways: each of which very different and yet still vital to my health, plus I am trying to expand my parenting tool repertoire, then there is the whole working towards becoming a funeral director which I am making small strides towards. It's hard to keep all the balls up in the air and not drop some from time to time. We have to find priorities and hold those ones up the longest.
For me, I am looking to connect with people. All of our interactions seem to be about bills or surface stuff, or major meltdown issues. There is nothing in the middle, nothing that helps us feel we are truly connected to each other through our minds, hearts, and bodies.
Perhaps I am asking too much. Part of this polyamory thing is recognizing that not just one person can meet all your needs, and it's not fair to ask them too. Am I happy with what I have? I think so, I certainly love who I am with, and I love being with them. It's only when I think about what I feel 'should' be happening or how things ought to be that I begin questioning and wondering if I am truly happy. I am mentally stimulated at work, my boss and I follow similar trains of thought, so I really do enjoy having discussions with him, that need of mine is being met at work - why does it need to be met at home? The important thing is that a person's needs are met, it doesn't really matter how, does it?
Maybe I just go searching for problems? But I do think there are some things we need to work on, in fact I know there is; it's simply a matter of figuring out what's important and what can wait - while at the same time juggling all those aforementioned balls.
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