Monday, August 17, 2015

Healing

I started therapy last week. I also had my first reiki session. I am trying to make big personal changes; "take chances, make mistakes....get messy" as The Magic School Bus always told me.

It took a good 4 or more years to get my bipolar under controls, to get the actual hormones and chemicals in my brain to work closer to how they are supposed to. Now I am trying to get my Borderline Personality Disorder things under some sort of management, and to do that I need to face some of my root issues, some of the mistakes that I've made, and some of the mistakes of other people that I have been a victim of.

Therapy will help with the more...surface issue. I am hoping to learn mindfulness. I am hoping to learn some tools to help when things get overwhelming, as they frequently do, or when my gut tells me to do something that I really know I shouldn't be doing.

Then there is my spiritual healing. I firmly believe we all need to take care of our spiritual health, it is vital to happiness and to success. What better way to start taking care of myself spiritually than by having my energy cleansed and refocused through Reiki. Now, do I believe it is the be all end all of therapies? No, I don't think anything is. I merely think it is a tool in a journey.

I am also hoping to do a short mindful self compassion course in October, as well as my Vipassana Meditation in November. I am also really hoping and trying to make the right connections to attempt an ayahuasca ceremony as I have believed for years that doing so would strengthen my core and allow me to grow. I am also attempting to meditate at least 20 minutes per day - though that is proving difficult, and my therapist won't be happy I haven't been doing it because it was part of my homework.

I am also trying to remove negative people from my life, and not let people treat me poorly just because historically that's what I have taken from them. It's a challenge, and it is sad. But it must be done.

On a semi related note, I went and saw the movie Inside Out with BigR and K as well as NanaJ and my niece who was in town. K and my niece had so much fun together, and I know my nephews and my boys would get along together so well, what with their love of soccer and lego - that I have invited them all over to my house for a weekend to hang out. I think it'd be fun and my house is big enough to house them all. I haven't heard back from SisterE yet, but I am hopeful she will let our children be close even if we can't be.

Speaking of Inside Out though, it was a great movie for showing kids how emotions work and how every emotion is valuable and important. There were so many feelings during that movie, and they expressed the emotions so well. It was just such a great movie - I really enjoyed it, even though it is supposed to be for kids.

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