Wednesday, October 30, 2013

From Dark to Light

My dad is officially in the ground. I wasn't there. I should have been there. My heart is heavy today. I want someone to hug me, I want to tell people that my dad just died, and how awful it is. Unfortunately, we don't live in a culture where the expression of grief is met with open arms - instead it is met with awkward stares and silence.

Craftymama is 38 weeks 2 days pregnant now. The midwife was surprised to see us on Monday, and says she will be shocked if we make it to our 39week appointment next Monday. I keep my phone close at hand at all times waiting for a text from Craftymama to come home because it is happening. That is going to be one of the longest drives in the world. I will try not to speed or be too distracted.

BigR is having a rough time at school. There were numerous problems with his teacher, who ended up quitting and now they are left without a teacher. This kid needs the most stability out of all the kids we have, and he is the one who has the least at school. I mean, I get it, Waldorf teachers are probably harder to find then regular teachers, but at the same time - this is a private school, we are paying for our children to go to this school, and I think, as a result, we should be able to expect certain things. It is not the school's fault that the teacher quit, it's just a frustrating as a parent for things to be so up in the air. We have considered pulling him from school at least until things are settled into a routine and there is consistency there.

I am doing better, emotionally. I met with my professor for the MBA class I am taking, and we agreed to a slightly different structure for my coursework this year, due to the classes and assignments I have missed because of my depression and my dad dying. I am catching up at work, and beginning to enjoy it again. I am more present at home, and feel like I am actually participating. We have a wonderful new tradition, I don't really know how it started, but every Sunday now I make french toast for everyone. Every second Sunday when Glassman and the girls are there we go through an entire loaf of bread. Each week one of the kids sits on the counter and helps me by passing the bread and eggs and what not. Last week it was BigR who never sits on the counter, he was giddy and loved it. After last Sundays breakfast we carved our pumpkins. Cableman even got up and came down early (as we had to carve them before I started work at 11:00a), so we could all do them together. There were 6 pumpkins to carve. As per tradition I do BigR's, Glassman does K's, Cableman does M's, and Craftymama does LittleR's. I don't know how it started for me to do BigR's, but it's a thing now.

The kids are also very excited about their upcoming lantern walks to celebrate Martinmaas, and the changing from light to dark. I have made all the lanterns, as I seem to do every year, and the kids are gleeful. I would get pictures, as it is quite the magical event, but it takes place in near dark, so you wouldn't be able to see anything.

I am officially on parental leave from my part time job. I was accidentally sent an email from my boss to the regional manager that said he didn't want me back when I left, so that sparked a series of discussions between us. But, they can't fire me for going on parental leave. It'll be nice not to work the upcoming evenings or weekends. I used to work my normal work week here in Nanaimo from 8:00-4:30p (save for Wednesdays wherein I have school from 9-12), and then on Thursdays and Fridays I would go straight to my other job and work there 5:30-8:30. I would also work there on Saturdays (10-6) and Sundays (11-5). It'll be great to have some time off and be at home.

Well, I think that's all for me. Maybe next time I update I'll have a picture of a squishy newborn to share! For now though, here is a picture of the kids at the big pumpkin pile where we pick out our pumpkins!


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